WHY I'M NOT A DESIGNER + HOW I AM LEARNING TO EMBRACE THAT TRUTH

Over the 7-8 years that I’ve chosen to go the home decor, interior styling, DIY -route I’ve had countless people ask me what I do. Typically when they find out what I do, the response is usually always the same: “Oh! So, you’re a designer??!” In turn, my response is typically always the same: “Actually, no I’m not. Maybe it’s complicated?” And then, I walk away. Just kidding. I only want to normally. The introvert in me is exhausted just thinking of how to explain what I do to folks half of the time or the impending look of confusion on said inquirers face is really all it used to take to shut me down and make me wonder why I was here in the first place.

To be honest, it’s really not anyone’s fault. Until recently, I’d struggled for a long time with what to call myself or what direction to take this blog and brand I’ve so affectionately given the name Restoration House.

The anxiety I feel most of the time when someone asks what I do can totally be linked to my own insecurities and internal battles of questioning why I do what I do around here. I’d love to say it’s something that I never think of or question but that wouldn’t be the truth.

photographer | ryan flynn photo

Over the past couple of years I’ve dug a bit deeper into that feeling of insecurity and found a place where the beauty of that insecurity and my true purpose collide. I’m not one who subscribes to the idea that each of us has one purpose in life. My mission stays the same but my purpose changes in each and every season—always lining up of course with my mission: to bring the same freedom that knowing God has given me, to others. It’s pretty simple. But somehow something so simple, when tied in with life’s ups and downs, can become ever-so-complicated. It’s one of life’s greatest mysteries, I think.

Even with all those sometimes cloudy thoughts swirling around in my head I’ve miraculously come to the conclusion that I don’t necessarily need the title of designer to run full-speed ahead in what I have I have been created to do.

This year I am honing in a bit more on sharing the things I love and the term “designer” just seems to box me in a bit more. Aside from the fact that I am an Enneagram 7 and just refuse to be anything but a free spirit, I don’t like the idea of limiting myself to being a designer. (Notice I didn’t say JUST a designer. Mostly ‘cause anyone who holds that title is so much more than that anyhow. But, we know that. )

I express that I am not a designer mostly because what I do around here encompasses so much more than home design. Would you agree? I also, quite often, need to remind myself that I am not. It frees me up to not have the pressure of being something I’m really not meant to be in the first place.

I talked a bit about this on Instagram last week but it is not lost on me that I hold a unique space here on the Internet as a woman of color who believes in Jesus, speaks confidently about her faith while also sharing my love for home and design, but also engages in meaningful conversations that hopefully stir many of you to action and affect change in your hearts and minds. It’s a lot sometimes, even for me, to grasp. But, I keep going because, to be honest, what’s the alternative?

There is something that burns deep inside me to share with each of you the beauty that home can bring and that it’s so much more than just pretty things. I desire more than ever to express to the world that our homes are a representation of more than just who we are but of WHOSE we are. It’s a concept that even for me at times is incomprehensible which, in turn, compels me to lean in even more to this conversation.

I know the natural question here is now, “Well, what exactly are you, Kennesha? What DO you do?”

Well, I am an encourager. A storyteller. A life-breather. A creative. An influencer. A stylist. A gatherer. But, most of all? I am a woman who loves connecting with the hearts of others through home. I am a supporter of just about anything that involves the idea of bringing people together in a space for the purpose of not only creating community but opening up our hearts and mind to thoughts, ideas and ways of living that some of us may have never considered or though of without the proper prompts.

photography | ryan flynn photo

I guess if I think about it with those points in mind, I am a designer of sorts. Just not in the most mainstream or common sense. I very much exist as a conduit for healing and freedom and sometimes that just happens to come through a place that I am completely obsessed with—home.

I’m also obsessed with you (in the most healthy, non-creepy way of course) and all that you offer to me here.

In just a couple of short months I’ll be traveling around this country of ours talking about this obsession I have through my book Restoration House. Amongst many other things, I will speak of this passion that God placed in me a long, long while ago to connect people and distill our lives down to the most simple of forms. I’ll talk about God and how He has been my ‘home’ and used the ones that we have lived in to help and heal and nurture the gifts inside me and those with whom I’ve had the privilege of connecting and building relationships with in them. It’s really an honor— all of this. I couldn’t be more thankful for the opportunity to be whatever it is this season and God is asking me to be.

I’m not along for the ride, I realize that. I choose each and everyday to join the adventure. A task that I’m not exactly always up for if I’m honest. It’s frightening to think of putting myself out there in this way knowing a lot of people will accept and love and validate what I am doing and the message I carry while also realizing many just won’t. I guess that’s ok too. We’re all entitled to our opinions. I’ve just decided not to allow others’ opinions of me to control my listening to Him and what He says about me. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

So, now, I turn the question to you: “Who are you and how are you learning to embrace the truth of who you are?”

Need my help to start your affirmation? Well, what I can tell you is that you’re here and that makes you 1000% more successful and leaps and bounds ahead of those who are not. In that, you have the advantage. Want another lead? You were amazingly called and created to be right here at this time for this and whatever or whoever you believe yourself to be, good or bad, He says you’re even better than that.

“I think there is value in recognizing who we are not. This realization opens up a world of possibilities and opportunities for who we are to become. That is the most beautiful truth of all truths.

”

I think there is value in recognizing who we are not. This realization opens up a world of possibilities and opportunities for who we are to become. That is the most beautiful truth of all truths to me. I think that’s the beauty of His design.

xo ,

Kennesha

FINGER FOODS + DRINKS | WHAT TO SERVE FOR YOUR NYE PARTY

So, we know that New Year’s is just around the corner and you’re either one of two kinds of folks: the kind who has been ready for this day for weeks or the one who’s still preparing for the big day. Good thing is, no matter which category you fall into, this post is for you cause you can take this info and tuck it away for a rainy day or you can help that friend who is still taking care of those last minute details.

via drizzle + drip

RED WINE CARAMELIZED ONION GOAT CHEESE TARTLETS

DISCLAIMER : I can tell you now that just about every finger food I bring to the party will involve some form of goat cheese. The following savory bites definitely do. These little numbers not only have goat cheese but also puff pastry. Really can’t go wrong with this one and only takes a few mins to make!

Photography | Tiarra Sorte

Styling | Restoration House

FIG + PORT CHEESE SMORGASBORD

Again with the cheese but you all were expecting that. When in season, figs are one of my favorite fruits to add to charcuterie. Not only are the yummy but they add beautiful texture and color to your plate.

via cooking on the front burner

SWEET POTATO GOAT CHEESE BITES

Sweet potatoes. ‘Nuff said.

via the modern proper

THE ALL-INCLUSIVE CHARCUTERIE

This party classic always gets my vote and is certainly a crowd-pleaser. What I love about boards is that you don’t have to be uber talented or spend a ton of money to use them at your party (even though you can) and you can throw all kinds of stuff on it that just about everyone is bound to love. That makes this one of my absolute favorite go-to’s.

via apartment 34

THE COMMUNAL BOARD

via broma bakery

NEW YEAR’S CHOCOLATE BARK

We all know that after the savory it’s time for a little sweet. These two desserts I found via Broma Bakery are my new faves and you know we don’t want to spend a lot of time in the kitchen for new years so these are perfect time savers. Pretty to look at and easy to pop onto a pretty platter and into your mouth!

via broma bakery

CHOCOLATE PISTACHIO SPOON MERINGUES

via the green life

SPICED RUM, FIG AND KOMBUCHA COCKTAIL

If you life kombucha, this one’s for you. If you love spic and fig, this one’s definitely for you. A refreshing and dare I say healthy drink (kombucha), this one will surely surprise friends.

via dishing up the dirt

PEAR + GINGER -SAGE CHAMPAGNE

Say cheers with a twist by toasting at midnight with these pear, ginger-sage champagne drinks. A fun way to say hello to 2019.

via cooking in my genes

GINGER-HONEY SPARKLER

This non-alcoholic variation is very similar to the one above and of course you can make any fun cocktail you find a non-alcoholic bevvie by simply leaving out the alcohol.

What are some of your faves for NYE? Share them in the comments below!

SHOP MY FAVORITE ITEMS FOR HOSTING + ENTERTAINING

#mywholehome | Seattle Family Finds Purpose at Home

NAME | Ashley Carbonatto aka @AshleyDSP

BUSINESS | Design Style Purpose (www.designstylepurpose.com)

CITY | Issaquah, WA

YEARS IN CURRENT HOME | 2 years

Photograhy by Morgan Taylor

Tell us the story of your home. To you, what sets it apart or makes it unique aside from the fact that you and your family are the ones who live in it?

We hit the pavement hard to get this house! For almost 2 years, we sent out postcards to specific homes within our current neighborhood, asking them to please consider selling to our family, knowing that about 50% of the houses sold in the neighborhood sold in private, off market deals. Ideally, we knew that we wanted an off-market deal, an original owner (so as not to pay for someone else's upgrades), and a physical draw that would allow us to host lots of people. From the minute that we stepped foot into our house, we knew this was the one and it met every requirement. There was dark wood paneling and brown 70's shag carpet throughout, and we couldn't have loved it more! We struck a deal with the original owners who had previously raised their 6 kids in the house and began demo the DAY that we got the keys! Since then, we've done a complete interior remodel (prior to us actually moving in), ripped out our entire backyard landscaping to add a big deck that opens up to our community park, and now are in the process of the final phase of remodel by adding a bonus room and bathroom above our garage (so that all of our out of town family have a place to sleep!). It has been a DREAM to be in this house. We feel so blessed and encouraged to be exactly where we are at, and we don't let a day go by that we don't express gratitude for the gift that this home has been to us. It truly is our dream home.

How would you describe your personal home style? 

If you walked in my home today, you'd for sure see predominantly a Modern Farmhouse aesthetic. As time moves on though, and these little people grow, I find I am drawn to the simplicity and clean lines of Scandinavian and Modern spaces. My brain craves the clean lines and simplicity in our spaces to counteract the noise level with three littles!

What is your favorite space in your home? 

My kitchen hands down. We knew this would be the heart of our home with an open concept floor plan, and it is. Everyone sits and gathers around the oversized island and it's where just normal everyday life happens.

If you could share one thing about yourself with readers that you've perhaps never shared publicly or via social media, what would it be? 

I am extremely indecisive when it comes to design decisions in my own home. If you ask me a question about your home, I'll give you a decisive answer no problem. Which color should you paint - blue or white? White, the answer is always white. But when it comes to choosing things for my own spaces, I become paralyzed with indecision. I think it's the Enneagram Three in me that wants it to look PERFECT, even though I know perfection is never a standard I want to impress. So there's an ongoing tension between what I want to really convey in my home and where my heart oftentimes leads me. In order to combat the desire to get it just RIGHT, I have found that when I regularly come back to our why for this home - which is the people that live within in it, and gather around our table - then I have much easier time making design choices knowing that in the long run, the people will make the space way more than the paint colors, furniture and tile choices.

Proudest DIY?  

When I first started in the creative business, I painted furniture. So in the beginning it was lots of lifting and schlepping in and out of my car, and I always surprised myself with my literal strength which felt liberating. Since then though, I don't DIY much anymore, but I did recently stain (ebony!) and swap out the hardware of an IKEA Tarva dresser in our entryway, so that it now fits my desired aesthetic so much better, and gives an easily accessible home to all of the kid's craft supplies. 

What does home mean to you? What do you want others to feel when they enter/spend time in your home? 

I want people to breathe a sigh of relief and feel known when they come into our home. We have an open door policy, and host people for a meal at least once or twice a week. Everyone is welcome in our home, and around our table. I also offer up Refrigerator Rights to anyone who enters the house! This means that if you're in our home, you are family. You are welcome to help yourself to beverages at your leisure, or additional items in the fridge without having to ask - the same way that family does. Our friends have become our family, and that's how I want people to feel when they walk through our doors. We are casual and imperfect and I want you to feel safe in sharing whatever life is throwing at you when sitting around the table.

Do you think you've learned to embrace your story? Your home? Why or why not?

For me, moving to a new town and being the sole designer on our dream house has helped usher me into such a greater understanding, and appreciation for myself. I am so much more confident in who I am, and who I was made to be - which includes my shortcomings. I think this translates into my home because I no longer am striving for perfection or seeking approval from others through superficial things, like perfectly put together homes. I have a higher level of contentedness in this home, that is displayed in spaces that I choose to leave as finished. Instead of constantly moving things around and switching things out, I've learned to curate a space that reflects my personal style, along with functionality that serves our family, and then letting that be. Finding contentment in my spaces has allowed freedom for me to pour into the things that really matter, and that will last much longer than our house. I want our home to have a legacy, but I know that the people who come in and out of it will be the ones that drive that, not the physical spaces.

If there was one piece of advice that you could give to others as to how to embrace their home and their story, what would that advice be? 

Open your doors to your people regardless of the home that you are currently living in. Whether it's a rental, apartment, get-out-of-debt house, or just not your forever home it's important to live your life openly. People don't want perfection, especially in a space; they simply crave connection. This takes a great deal of courage and confidence, but I promise it will pay dividends for you in the long run. Regardless of your space, opening your home up to your people and your neighbors is going to be what gives you life. In the same vein, Do YOU. I am inspired by bohemian, hygge, farmhouse, modern and contemporary and don't necessarily fall under one label. In design, I think it's a both/and scenario; you don't have to fit perfectly into one style category. Let things that are genuine and sentimental to YOU speak and inspire you, regardless of label or category. Similarly, let your home reflect you regardless of the season of life you are in. Your story is not over, today is not your forever, and so my advice is lean in to your current today, learn to cultivate gratitude in it, regardless of what your home looks like today.

ABOUT ASHLEY

Ashley is a thirty-something mom of three kiddos and wife to one of the most amazing dudes ever. After leaving her dream job in order to stay at home and raise the said children, where she began a long journey and struggle to find purpose amidst the daily-ness of raising kids. Without a paycheck, clear cut goals and accomplishments, Ashley quickly began drowning in self-doubt feeling like her new fate was just diapers and snotty noses. She enjoys sharing th4 stories and telling the tales of how seeking (and ultimately finding) joy and purpose through the everyday monotony of motherhood can bring more life and fulfillment to the mundane.