FIRST THINGS, FIRST | I feel the need to begin this conversation with an acknowledgement. I understand that this discussion about perfectionism and lists and Type-A personalities could likely come across as demeaning or condescending or that I think one is better than the other. Today, I will chat a bit with you about my side of this struggle and strength and how God has used it to reveal His truths in me, about me and “walked” me through some unexpected revelations along the way.
Recently, I had an online conversation with a friend about lists and practical ways to prioritize the day to get stuff done. I could feel the defensiveness rising in me as I simultaneously shrank in shame recounting how I’d allowed my own insecurities and need for perfection to hold me captive in my mind and ultimately in my own life.
If you’re a list maker who finds joy in checking things off or the order of the day, I admire you. Some days I want to be (like) you.
Most days, that’s just not me.
Often times, I find myself struggling to complete even the smallest tasks and sometimes have a hard time figuring out what should be priority in my day which is really a hard thing for me to confess here yet here I am, hoping someone finds solidarity in my vulnerability.
HOW’D I GET HERE?
I’ve not always been this way. This battle between done or perfect hasn’t always been my lot. I think the compoundings of life and responsibilities in some way has only complicated the root of all of this. (…and some of the moms out there said, “amen!”)
I used to call myself (quite proudly might I add) a perfectionist. I don’t know, I think back then it had such a different meaning? No? Well, I digress.
I took pride in the fact that I got things done and that when I did, they were done “just so”. You know, perfectly. I also touted and ‘blessed’ the name of others who did the same. I resisted any idea that this mindset controlled everything I did. The attachment to this ideal became so big that it began to control my ability to see that it had completely overtaken me in the first place. In every way it demanded more attention, more praise from people and those around me in every way and before I knew it, it had completely taken over.
As it required more and more of my brain space and time, it also stifled in me any motivation that I may have had to move forward to accomplish said goal. It kept me from doing the things that my heart set out to do which, in turn, caused me to procrastinate. I became terrified to act on anything for fear of doing things wrong or not reaching the level of perfect that I’d had in mind. Relate?
Enter in, a couple of years ago when I finally decided that I was tired of feeling stuck and that I was depending mostly on myself to get the job done. In all honesty, I was completely exhausted.
I think I could spend a ton of time breaking all of this down and expounding in so many areas but the fact of the matter here is that I just want us to take a collective sigh of relief together in this very moment.
If you struggle or have ever struggled with the idea of not being enough to the point of paralyzation, you have a friend in me. More importantly, you have a friend in Him. I think this is a topic that I will come back to over and over again here because (duh) my human tendencies forever beckon to me to seek and find shelter and solace in myself but my spirit cries out for more. Deep inside I know that there is more to life than this false sense of perfection that we all struggle with from time to time. What we really need is an ability to learn to rest in Him, no matter the fastball life may swing our way and no matter what the circumstances in front of us attempt to tell us.
Everything we may ever need and every sense of feeling valued will always and only be found in Him. There is a deep intimacy that we find when we realize that He is The Great Perfector. There is an eternally overwhelming peace that hovers when we know that, there is a release and a freedom that we can only experience and know when we lean into Him and that truth.
May we carry this one simple truth this week when rushing through tasks and through our day:
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
In light of that, here are three ways I am seeing my way through those times when I struggle most with getting ahead of myself or allowing my shallow idea of perfection to overwhelm and stifle me.
THREE WAYS I AM OVERCOMING PERFECTIONIST SYNDROME
(HOW DO I GET OUTTA THIS?)
YOU ARE A PART—NOT THE WHOLE. I believe one of the things that has helped me the most is recognizing that I am only part of the story—that the weight of the world or even more, a project, isn’t on my shoulders, alone. Even if it actually is a solo project and I am feeling overwhelmed I can take a moment to shift my thoughts to the One who sees and knows far more than I. Practically, that may look like
STAY FOCUSED. I know. It sounds so easy, right? How do we walk this out, practically? The passage (above) reads “If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit.” I don’t think remaining in him is always this easy thing to do and what does it actually mean anyhow? For me, remaining in him is more than quiet time in the morning or church on Sundays, it’s allowing his voice and his presence to infiltrate my moments. The fruit of that isn’t always immediately tangible but I experience a moment by moment and daily sense of his peace which brings stability to every fiber of my being. I am then making the choice to not be overcome by what I see but to be continually transformed in those moment BY Him. Sometimes, peace is just the fruit this weary body and mind need.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. “Apart from me, you can do nothing.” Honestly, it’s a pretty powerful statement and one that we can take to the bank. Of course, you can totally choose to do many things without help from anyone or from him but if we take a step back and look at our humanity, what we’ve been created for and to do, we will see that we are much more powerful when we are IN Him and connecting our passions and purpose to him using it to empower and bring out the best in others around us. Taking note from the first tip above, we are a part of a much bigger picture, you and I, and we have so much to give
The source of everything in our lives is a direct parallel to all He has already done. May we rest in that this week knowing that He has gone before us. Let’s continue this conversation, friends. It’s one I will, no doubt, need to revisit over and over again.
xo ,
Kennesha
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